Updated: Oct 8
[ Oh Hey Void Intro Clip]
Hey there, I’m Amber the creator of this little internet island that your ears have decided to visit. Welcome to the first episode of the Oh Hey Void podcast. I figured since this is our first episode together I’d just discuss what the hell this is and why I’m doin’ it. Because in the void first meetings should set a tone that determines if you’ll come back and visit again.
For those of you who don’t know me personally or we haven’t kept in touch, I’m Amber and I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to identify who I am and what the fuck I want out of life. I just celebrated my 33rd birthday in May and I’ve come to realize a lot of how I have defined who I am as a person revolves around my work and my accomplishments. Not that there are many, but I like to hold onto what I’ve got, whether it’s good or bad. And then dissect it until it’s all a bunch of mush. Then I take that mush and create a new painting with it that I then share with people. Like this podcast.
Recently, I asked myself; What happens when you take out the roles you fill in your work and career, family and relationships, or even take away your religious beliefs - what does that leave behind? Who are you then? What is the blank slate of being human that’s not inundated with the bullshit our society tells us we have to care about? When you strip away the career goals, financial goals, relationship goals, and the unspoken expectations of professionalism… what’s left?
Answer: I have no fucking idea. And it’s both exciting and terrifying at the exact same time.
What I do know is that once I started this mental exercise I became fascinated with paradigms, life and work patterns, belief systems, and the all-encompassing human question of “what the fuck is the point?”
For me in this particular point in my life, it turns out there’s a whole lot of opportunity to be either really fucking excited about being a blank canvas, and then there’s also a whole level of opportunity to be scared shitless. So much so I started turning back to old habits that I knew was the programming of the old me. The old me ...that I didn’t much enjoy sharing headspace with. The old me that I was trying very desperately to break up with - but like most clingy exes the bitch couldn’t catch the hint.
As a solution, I started writing personal essays on my philosophies and that's pretty much what this podcast is going to be. A collection of my inner ramblings about discovering, what the terms "self" and "happiness" really mean to my current existence. Along with how to identify with a society that seems so adamant on giving up your freedoms as a self-defined person in order to fit in.
Now before we dive too deeply into what I mean by that, you should know that I'm not a psychologist, sociologist, therapist, or certified mediator of any kind. So if what I say resonates with you, cool. Maybe we can trade notes sometime. What this podcast is going to be is simply an expression of my journey and an analysis of what life data I’ve collected so far. My sending it off into the void of collective consciousness that we call the internet is simply me letting the future know I was here. Because being a former army brat of a mixed family who went to college because of societal expectations to DO something with my life seems to be the norm these days and I might just get lost in the shuffle of obituaries and overpopulation.
Another disclaimer before we go any further, this podcast will have what some deem “grown-up language.” Anyone who is offended by the words fuck, shit, bullshit, and dick are probably not ready to hear what’s going to be discussed on this podcast. I would suggest maybe coming back when your ego isn’t so attached to societal concepts on good and bad language. I come from a mindset that language is the way our souls communicate in this extremely physical existence and they’re all beautiful even the “ugly” ones.
WHO I AM INTRO
So back to the topic;
In 2016 I decided I did not want to pursue filmmaking as a career despite spending most of my early and mid-twenties dicking around in a sub-par film school and then graduating to line produce music videos that’s biggest debut is a vimeo feature. I jumped ship for Virtual Reality development and started learning a shit ton of new things for an entirely different industry. This time without a college curriculum and by trial and error ala the internet. During that time I took on a part-time position at a small Escape Room about thirty minutes away from where I lived. That hour-long commute a day started my journey into the world of self-help. I listened to everything from money focused “Just do it” pep talkers to spiritual law of attraction gurus. And after almost three years of filling my brain with self-help buzz words, I eventually found my way to the two books that were constantly referenced in every single thing I devoured in order to “fix” my circumstances.
Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” written in 1937, and Wallace D. Wattles “The Science of Growing Rich” written in 1910.
Needless to say after listening to the grandfather’s of self-help themselves, I’ve come to the conclusion that humans have been struggling with the same bullshit of self-worth, self struggle, and self-improvement for generations and yet here we are. Still feeling lost, alone, and nowhere near figuring out the purpose of our own existence, let alone the purpose of humanity. That depressing notion aside I was able to conjure up four theories about humans and our society in general that seem pretty on point for where I am in my life at the moment.
These theories might change the further I get into this adventure, but for now, they’ll be the basic foundations for what I hope to discuss in this podcast. I call them the FOUR FLAWS OF HUMANITY. Some may be taken aback by the word “FLAW” but I think the first step to seeking change in ourselves and in our society is admitting there’s a problem. By acknowledging there’s some dirty shit in our mental closets we can begin to analyze the shit out of it and decide if it “Sparks Joy.” If it doesn’t that’s when the work starts when we can start intentionally making changes to the way we see ourselves and each other in order to make a change.
So let’s stop dicking around and introduce the FOUR FLAWS OF HUMANITY.
#1 No One Knows what the fuck they’re doing.
In a society where we all compare ourselves against one another, we sure as fuck have gotten great at convincing each other we know what we’re doing and that we’ve got our shit figured out. But I’m here to propose that no one on this planet REALLY knows what they're doing. The fact that we haven’t really concluded as a species what the purpose of human life is, and we’re still arguing on which god is the right one to follow. And we can’t for the life of us figure out how to get along after centuries of fighting over territory and power …. It’s proof to me that we’re all just fuckin’ winging it.
I’ve recently started doing mental exercises where I remove things that are considered “rules” or “beliefs” or “laws”. And where this Flaw stems from is an exercise where I looked at social structures like social etiquette, professional etiquette, and even government-specified laws and just ...asked who enforces them? Like really, really, gives a shit on enforcing them. I’m not talking religious or moral sin, so anyone who keeps answering, “God enforces it after you die” sit the fuck down for a minute and open your brain to some social critique conversation.
For this specific exercise, I’m talking remove the fear-based policing system we have, that’s really just based on control and some questionably placed IQ scored individuals in need of a paycheck. Remove the power of money. Remove the belief that we all need to be productive in jobs that we hate in order to provide for the next generation. Who REALLY enforces these rules that we tell ourselves we have to follow?
Answer: We do. Humans agree to enforce socially collected beliefs that are then expected to be followed in order to fit in. Anyone who goes against that grain tends to be ostracized and/or put in prison. But at its core these rules whether they’re social expectations or actual laws only have power because the majority give it that power. That’s what forms human culture.. That’s what forms our tribes, our companies, our governments, and our countries.
BuT… does that mean we ACTUALLY know what we’re doing?
In my opinion, absolutely fucking not.
It just seems like we’re a bunch of lost individuals who decided to enforce some shit to make it so we could control the majority of what I like to call, sheep-people. People who’ll go along without questioning the status quo.
At the very core of the “Who really enforces this shit?” exercise I found myself coming up against the same wall every time. If you remove the power to force others to conform - you end up with a bunch of people who accept what is and continue repeating the same shit and following the guy that stood in front of them. That is until the socially enforced rules no longer serve their purpose. Then they change. That’s why generation after generation humans have this innate need to rebel against the status quo set by the generations before them. It’s why Millenials and GEN Z’ers are more accepting of open dialogues about race, sexuality, mental health, and religion than those of previous generations.
We as a society are adapting and growing, but in order to adapt, you have to admit some shits not right. And in order for there to be flaws in the status quo, we have to admit that we’re all just winging the shit out of this thing we call life. We don’t know what we’re doing and that’s okay. In a lot of ways, it’s fucking beautiful, and that’s why it’s going to be a heavily observed FLAW in future episodes of this podcast.
I think acknowledging that no one knows what the hell they're doing, gives a lot of power back to the individual.
Which brings us to the SECOND FLAW OF HUMANITY
#2 Everyone operates from their own bubble. One of the beautiful things I find about humans is that we are both a social species, but we’re also very well defined by individualism. As my very wise lover, JWALL, likes to say, “People operate from their own bubbles.” Two people can be present for the exact same experience or hell the exact same conversation and walk away from it with an entirely different perspective on what just happened. The way we take in data is based on our individual experiences. And those experiences can shape the way we see and interact with the world.
When I started diving deeper into this concept I started getting really into defining and evaluating paradigms. The dictionary definition of A Paradigm is defined as an "a typical example or pattern of something, a model."
What a paradigm is in context to your life is the pattern of core beliefs that essentially helps dictate your comfort zones, actions, and beliefs on a wide range of subjects. A single person has numerous paradigms built deep inside them that affect everything from their relationships, work ethic, fears, and aspirations.
In my own experience, I’ve discovered that my paradigms have a lot of influence on my successes and failures in careers, friendships, romances, and personal goals. When I finally understood that my belief systems were built on patterns from my past I found it ridiculously fascinating that friends and family members who shared my belief systems had totally different patterns that got them to program similar paradigms. This fact alone was something that got me started on a journey of understanding people I did not share belief systems with, and that included people in my own family that I’ve known for years.
Once I was able to remove my emotional attachment to my belief systems by identifying that my belief systems were built based on patterns that programmed me... it became a lot easier to hear what people on opposing sides had to say. This in and of itself was a huge eye-opener for me in the last year.
In the past I might have written off someone I disagreed with and completely just shut them out of my life, today I’m obsessed and fascinated by other people’s evaluations and beliefs of the data they’ve collected. I can now actually have civil conversations with them about their beliefs on religion, politics, and social etiquette. I can hear what they are saying better and understand how to interact with them far more constructively than when I was reactive and not open to hearing them out.
The flaw of operating from your own bubble is something that I think we all forget. It sure as hell is not something we’re taught in school as social etiquette. By acknowledging the person you’re interacting with has their own set of experiences and their own set of beliefs it makes the shitty things that might come out of their mouths seem a lot less offensive. By knowing the backstory it’s easier to have constructive and healthy conversations that generate positive changes in both points of view and even your relationship with that person.
Throughout future episodes of this podcast, I’ll be bringing up some personal paradigms and belief systems that actually affected the way I operated within the world around me. And I think that it’s important to be aware of this second flaw of humanity because once you’re actively aware of where your stance comes from it’s easier to understand where an opposing stance might have spawned from as well.
That actually brings us to the THIRD FLAW OF HUMANITY
#3 You’re responsible for your own bullshit.
Now before you get all defensive let me explain why I consider this a flaw and give you some context. Even though I grew up with parents who didn't pressure me into any specific belief system, there was still this socially accepted veil of obscurity that there was something more powerful outside of myself that was always going to either take care of me or tear me down. Whether you believe there is a god, universal energy, karma, or the "man" or the "they" of society all of those things gave you permission to believe you didn't have complete control over your life. And for all, we know all those things do exist or they don't - who cares. My point is that in daily life those things aren't the ones making decisions for us. Sure, it's nice to believe that those things exist to alleviate the pressure of your life choices all falling on your shoulders. It gives us permission to blame something outside of ourselves for the things that don't go very well... when really… that's bullshit.
If the last couple of years has taught me anything, it’s that in order to move forward in your life you have to accept your own involvement in your own fucking bullshit. If you're uncomfortable in any area of your existence it's your own damn fault. Period. You have to accept that you have to become responsible for yourself. Blaming others without taking on responsibility for your involvement in situations is a deeply tiring and endless cycle.
When I first started my journey of “bettering” the circumstances I was totally guilty of blaming others for my stagnant career and financial life. I liked to blame the fact that people didn’t take me seriously because I looked significantly younger than I am. And I also totally bought into the blame fad that I was a woman in a man’s industry that didn’t want to give me opportunities. And that was a really exhausting, frustrating, and unproductive blame game that had no end in sight.
Back then I refused to accept the fact that the reason I was being held back from my goals was because I was giving up my ability to move forward to someone else. I didn’t take responsibility for my involvement in the situation. If someone said I couldn’t do something or they didn’t hire me it wasn’t because I didn’t follow up or because I pitched something poorly. It was because they were assholes and they were against me. As any grown-up with some maturity under the belt will tell you - I was 100% wrong in most of those cases. And even if I wasn’t - the simple fact that I would throw in the towel and move onto the next thing without fighting for what I wanted was in and of itself my choice to give up. No one MADE me give up those particular goals, no matter how many excuses I gave about someone with self-declared power telling me I couldn’t - I was was 100% wrong.
The fact of the matter was: I gave those people that power over me. And that power shouldn’t have been given to them in the first fucking place.
Once I started taking back my power and taking back the responsibility of my forward movement things oddly started falling into a more positive life experience. What I would have classified as a failure is no longer the decision of someone else, but the expansion of a new opportunity to make a project better for a better client or a better investor.
What I love about the Third Flaw of Humanity is that once you start taking responsibility for your own bullshit there isn’t really a lot of bullshit to deal with later. There’s a weight that gets lifted and you learn to forgive a lot of people - even yourself. It’s why in future podcasts we’ll be talking a lot about self-involvement in negative situations and why it’s important to never shift blame to someone else.
There’s a real beauty in constructively analyzing the only person in any situation that you actually have control over - yourself. No matter how scary it is to accept that you’re responsible for your own bullshit once you do it actively the process is powerful and eye-opening for sure.
Speaking of Scary that leads me to our FOURTH (and final) FLAW OF HUMANITY.
#4 Fear Fuels Us - not Love. This was a flaw that I discovered over the course of the last year. We’ll go into the details of fear in future episodes, but a lot of it came up when I started exploring the concept of spiritual resistance paired with the depth of reprogramming paradigms.
Every self-help book mentions the presence of an inner voice that engages in negative self-talk. This voice is usually the voice that tells you you’re an idiot anytime you mess up, or convinces you to listen to naysayers, or maybe even offers the option to not even start something because you’re clearly going to fail anyway. This voice at it’s most basic form is fear.
What’s interesting to me about fear is that it has the power to motivate us into action, it has the power to cripple us from the action, but most of all it has the power to separate us on levels that are detrimental to our health. Because of fear, we will spiral into loneliness and depression. We’ll start wars in order to assert our dominance over a weaker person, weaker movement, or weaker country. We’ll segregate and racially profile entire demographics simply because we don’t want to take the time to understand their cultural or religious developments.
It is because of our patterns as a society that I’m pretty confident in saying that humans today are fueled by fear and to be fueled by unconditional love is a goal we’ll likely never attain as a collective society. No matter how many religions or spiritual movements come and go from this planet preaching the importance of unconditional love there will always be someone somewhere scared shitless and unwilling to letting go of whatever illusion of control they have.
It’s because we’ve built a society around control through fear. And that control gets sliced down to various aspects of our society and our individual psyche.
The truth of the matter is that we’re all fucking horrified of Flaws 1-3 being found out. We’re scared of being called out for not knowing what we’re doing. We’re horrified at the thought that the opponent on the other side of an argument or disagreement has reasons for believing what they believe beyond their own stupidity. But most of all the idea that we’re responsible for our own unhappiness because we don’t take responsibility for our own emotions and actions is fucking terrifying.
Once we accept that we as humans are not fueled by the poetic drive of love, but by the nasty depths of fear - we can actively start making changes to the way we respond to and approach confrontation, whether it’s a confrontation with others or ourselves.
Once we self-identify our fears, analyze them, and intentionally find workarounds to reprogram ourselves things can get better. I think there's an importance in acknowledging Fear is something we can overcome. And once fear is gone the idealistic concept of unconditional love that poets, songwriters, and religious scriptures make a shit ton of cash telling us we need can actually be obtainable.
So that’s what this podcast series is going to be.
If you’re listening to this, you’ve somehow found this little speck of vibration in the void, and I hope that we can learn and grow together. I do believe that we create our own realities. But I also believe there will be plenty of battles with inner demons. With Oh Hey Void, I’m hoping someone out there will be able to hear it and make sense of it and maybe share some tales of how they battled their own demons and won...or lost and learned from it.
This podcast isn’t necessarily a plea for help. It’s more of a conversation starter on all the weird shit that’s been going on in my brain as I mutate into a more confident and more powerful being in this tangibly intangible universe where no one knows what the fuck is actually going on. Maybe if we compare notes or something we’ll either get closer to figuring it out or at least come up with an explanation that helps us sleep better at night.
If you’ve made it this far, congratulations you have ears stronger than diamonds! This episode was brought to you by our IMVYBZ Inspiration T-Shirt line. Today’s episode design is the FOUR FLAWS OF HUMANITY Tee. So that you can remember them by wearing them … literally. If you feel like supporting us please consider buying a shirt and checking out the website at www.ohheyvoid.com
That brings us to the end of our podcast. I hope it entertained, enlightened, or enraged you. Sparking thoughts and feelings are a good thing no matter how you look at it. It reminds us that we’re alive and in this together.
Until next week may your stress be minimal, your self-inflicted hate be productive, and your attempt at love be boundless. I’m Amber and this has been episode 1 of [Oh Hey Void sound bite].